At the presipice of all things shall I claim my home

Never sure of where tomorrow brings

never aware of how far i'm come from home.

This is the verge that we live.

Knowing in our deepest senses that we are wehere we should not be,

not for err, but for delay

that this place was good for a time, now we are recquired beyond this

But what is that beyond?

The answer to my strife is freedom as I see it defined

Financial freedom to owe no man my wages...

Freedom to help others with their own without expectation of repayment.

Freedom to me is happiness in my wallet and in my life.

When I can no longer focus on living expenses, I obsess about livlig embelishments

..That things that i would love to do...

I feel liek the key to all this is, sometimes, in my quitting of school and finding a teaching job

I feel like, this chase for a degree is becoming important only to itself and while it may bring me benefits, those perks are non-existent compared to the varied hardships i've come to witness/endure in their investment...

I need a job now, and , through it, i cna pay off my bills...and i shall have peace of mind to rest at night...and i shall have emergy to travel at lenghts....and i shall have love to kiss her fully...passion to write without fear...with all that freedom, i shall be without fear for i strive for simplicity it the fear of chaos is all that endangers it...ironically, i love chaos so both shall become my strengths and fear shall become a force i can use and that shall not abuse me...

I am at that place where everything in my life that has lead up to this place has proven little to nothing....some may be of importance, while others are just circumstantail...and for that, i wan't to jsut say "fuck it" i want to just  say screw it all and throw my hands in the air, take my loved things, my loved one, and go off to where i fit in, where i am accepted...where i am wanted and not tolerated...wehere I can see the differences made, not by some statistic book in USWeekly, but by the looks on kids faces when they come home from school wanting to practice their new skill and Pythagoreos or maybe those youngers who talk all the time finally get to join poetry club and form their own troupe and i help coach them to Slam Nationals and they get to be Brave New Voices...I can't get it from here thought...

someting has got to change, and it has to be drastic, i've come to that understainding now...a deciscion to taka tjob? a blind area to move to and remove from thies stagnant envoronment...I have connects elsewhere that would help me out...I can do this, people hjave done worst and have succeedded....it'sthe ordinary "john doe" that doubts himself because ordinary things happen to him, nothin new to the choir....but the diff between me and Beau Sia or Staceyyann Chinn or Mya Del Valle is that their craft was a thing in their pocket like a sculputures or painting or statue...they kept it and shared when needed....and the did so in a personal way that stood them apart...I need to stand apart from them ever day...new poem...every day...

if i'm going to find this THING that's been haunting me, i'm going make it less of a task....I'm going to post these videos (poem a day) and take it from there...maybe some will his, maybe a lost...the key is to show the world that we're not mondaine and that we shouold quit using blanket terms and ideas as synonymous with demographic and recial make ipI will sieze that THING and see how it goes....youtubechannel commongsoon

I cannot find this iPod and it is seriously starting to get to me...It's somewhere in my apartment, I was using one night while waiting for my Ambien to kick in and, per the side-effects, I have no memory of where I placed it...I usually go out to my patio, listen to my music, and write for a little while before bed...I followed the same routine that night and retraced my steps the following morning...I found my headphones laying in the armchair (where I always place it after my patio/music ritual) but the iPod wasn't attached...I didn't drive anywhere, as I hid my keys from myself and they were in the same exact place/position as where I left them...It's not in my car (still checked in there), not under my bed, not in the kitchen, doesn't seem to be in my living room, and as thorough as I have searched my apartment, I can't fully say I checked every square inch considering the amount of furniture that has yet to be moved around...but I'll find it, I have to....

My music, as simple as it sounds, helps get me through the day...It's not just a matter of turning on the radio as a decent replacement...No, there are songs on my iPod that have been in my library/playlist/possession for as far back as 10yrs ago, some even longer...I can get edgy, anxious, and off-kilter for days and weeks on end dealing with daily rigors, but my music, amongst other people/things, has helped me manage...Some people have hobbies that bring them peace, others have locations, and I have my music...They take my mind elsewhere...They give me a piece of that isolated "me time" that I need to re-center myself...like an on-going meditation...My iPod helps me focus and cancels out the rest of the world so that I can just calm my own racing mind...I can go without television, movies, books, and whatever other forms of entertainment, but this isn't just "entertainment" for me...It's therapy in true sense of the word...

So I have this idea....What if our consciousness was like fire?  And I don't mean metaphorically, I mean the actual natural phenomenon...Think about it, beyond our physical selves, beyond these sacks of meat and bones, we are also comprised of electrical impulses...Everything from our heart beat to conversation to hair growth...Our bodies function by sending messages between neurons via electricity...electricity being a form of energy (speaking as a physicist) very much related to fire on an atomic level...What if our consciousness/knowledge/essence were so intense or "self-aware" that they may maintain some form of cohesion that transcends conversion between energy states and forms? Humor the notion that if, when we die, our electrical consciousness is converted and dissipated in the same manner that a flame would before it disappears...But not like when a candle burns out, but like when a flame catches cloth...Like a flamethrower...If there's no other material to burn, the flame doesn't spread, it only remains in that same spot in physical space in the air if it's hot/powerful enough...Again, imagine a flame thrower...So picture , then, that our consciousness is a flame, and when we die, that flame is thrown...Remember that energy is neither created nor destroyed, it is transferred...It's converted...If you have a flame large enough, strong enough, it can last mid-air on it's own without some kind of kindling...The surrounding oxygen is enough...Take that image and apply it to 2 people, Let's call them James and Donna...

If James were to pass away right now, his bodily functions cease, and all those electrical impulses (that manifested form of energy) is no longer sustained...But humor the idea that he's not like a candle...He's a flame thrower, and so that flame of a consciousness might be so strong, so intense, that it ignites a similar "wick" (which would represent another human mind)...What I'm saying is, his experiences, his knowledge, his essence is released for the simple matter that his energy has to go somewhere, and when you take into account the science behind decay and death, there still might be enough size/intensity of his being that it all doesn't go to becoming a pile of decomposed biological remains...Decaying things mostly give off thermal energy as their cells break down and molecular bonds are broken...It's takes energy to keep those bonds in tact, so a dead guy can't provide that, and the warmth that exists in a rotting pile of leaves or a corpse results...That "extra" energy I'm referring to though, that difference between Decay and Consciousness so to speak, is cast into the atmosphere and catches another mind that is fresh and viable for ignition...Some remainder of James' flame did not go toward the decomposition and was released "in tact" Donna, acting like a piece of cloth, "caught fire"...

So what is all this leading to? Well, we hear about past lives and people describing, in detail, things they seemingly have no business knowing...Little kids can understand foreign languages, ancient cultures are revealed, personal info about dead strangers are somehow points of awareness...What if all those late peoples' flames were to ignite minds that were slightly "more flammable" than most folks'? Fire spreads...Our bodies don't just function via electrical signals, but our very thoughts/personalities are made of the stuff...And I'm proposing that if a person's essence (James) were so strong/intense that it was able to remain in tact (as a tinderless flame if large enough) then another person (Donna) just might be able to feel, experience, and keep a portion of that flame alive if her own self is sensitive and "flammable" enough.  And I'm wondering if perhaps this is how such "paranormal" activities work...Imagine a material that will catch flame just by sitting in the sun, those are what "sensitive" minds are like...With the slightest introduction of an ignition source, they will catch a flame that wasn't theirs and possess the means by which to provide enough tinder & kindling to sustain that new flame...That secondary essence...

And as I write this, I recall a little 4 year old girl named Shanti Deva from the 1930's and her peculiar case that actually goes right along with what I'm saying if i were to use it as an example...